.......

I need to connect.

More with people, and not get so caught up in whether or not they'll even accept me... because I already have established friends and if they don't want to give me a chance then I should just move on. I need to cement these relationships down; so I have something to come back to.

I just I wasn't so aware of how others treated me and just stopped being on this paranoid train to nowhere. I need to meet better people in my life... hopefully college will bring new (healthy) and fun friendships my way... Oh I do hope so

So I went to a poetry slam yesterday. The group was amazing. I'm ashamed of my own poetry a bit now.
I don't hate it, I don't regret creating it... but I could do so much better.
I could create something so powerful it would bring tears to someone... anyone.

I may start writing lengthy... intellectually stimulating.... powerful.

But then again I may not because that's just me. I am a procrastinating person who wants to go somewhere, has plans, but doesn't do what I really want to.

Maybe it's time for a change.

All preview pictures for my poems are not by me.. unless said so from now on.

Yeah, I haven't updated my journal in awhile. I don't really like to, there's nothing to really say. You all can figure out if I have added more things anyways. But, perhaps I will from time to time update this. I don't know, I'm having too much fun with only updating my xanga and real journal.

Later

Sorry Stole from Dennis You know you luv me XD

-Name: Segan M.
-Age: 16
-Age you act: 80 XD, no probably about 20, a very mature 20
-Age you wish you were: 12 so I could start JR/High School all over again, and get good at sports and clubs before I got too old for them
-Your height: 5'8''
-Eye color: Blue
-Happy with it?: I wish they were green, or at least a lighter blue, Dennis has sexy blue eyes lol
-Hair color: Dirrrttty Blonde
-Happy with it?: Yep, nice color
-Your family: 2 parents, 3 sisters, 2 brothers
-Have any pets?: yep a ton, it's a zoo here
-Piercings?: Nope
-Tattoos?: Nope

[Life in general]
-Do you live in the moment?: Sometimes, it depends...
-Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes
-Do you have any secrets?: Yes, and only a certain few know of some of them
-Do you hate yourself?: for things I've done and didn't do I guess
-Do you like your handwriting?: Sometimes, if I write at a regular pace it's nice
-Do you have any bad habits?: I sometimes yawn w/o covering my mouth, & I don't have very good table manners lol
-What is the compliment you get from most people?: Being smart, pretty (especially when I get dolled up for dances) (I've been corned by girls in a bathroom during a dance b/c they wanted to tell me to look like that everyday XD)
-What's your biggest fear?: The dark
-Can you sing?: Yepperz
-Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: I try to be more outgoing, especially when no one knows me as the shy one at school, (I'm usually outgoing anyways, just not around schoolmates)
-If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: Yeah, I think I'd be drawn into my sincere kindness and understanding w/o judging
-Are you a daredevil?: Not extreme, just minor stuff
-Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: I fear my shyness will hinder me much into my life even more than now, and I hate my face >.<
-Do you have a journal?: I have online journals and book journals, I update my online ones more frequently though
-If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: My complexion, I have some marks from chicken pox that are icky lol
-Do you think you are emotionally strong?: No, I cry when it hurts bad silently to myself, and I cry when things aren't even affecting me directly
-Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Not trying out for a singing group or play in 7th grade. I tried out finally during 8th grade for a group and 9th grade for both, but I think if I had started earlier I wouldn't be as socially underdeveloped
-Do you think you are good looking?: Sometimes
-Are you confident?: Sometimes, when I am outside of school
-What is the fictional character you are most like?: Lina from The City Of Ember
-Are you perceived wrongly?: Sometimes

[Do you...]
-Smoke?: No
-Do drugs?: No
-Read the newspaper?: Comics usually lol, but sometimes other sections
-Pray?: Sometimes, silently
-Go to church?: Starting to go again
-Talk to strangers who IM you?: Sometimes, if they stay nice
-Take walks in the rain?: Yes, and I like dancing barefoot in it too ^^
-Hang out with people even though you hate them?: I don't hate anyone, but I may still hang out with people I dislike at the moment
-Drive?: Sometimes, going to get back into it since tests are done for school!

[Have you ever...]
-Liked your voice?: yes
-Hurt yourself?: yes
-Been out of the country?: no
-Done drugs?: No
-Gone skinny dipping?: somewhat
-Had a medical emergency?: Yes, I had seizures when I was 2 or so
-Had surgery?: Yes
-Ran away from home?: No
-Been picked on?: Yes
-Been on stage?: Yes, for school plays
-Slept outdoors?: in a tent
-Gone one day without food?: Yes, when I am very sick
-Talked on the phone all night?: Well I've talked on the phone straight for about 3 hrs.
-Slept all day?: Yes, but I don't like to do that often
-Killed someone?: Bugs if that counts
-Been betrayed?: yes >.<
-Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: To someone who needed to hear it to help
-Stolen anything?: No
-Been on radio/tv?: Been on the TV a couple times, including my 2nd grade chorus tv concert
-Been in a mosh-pit?: I've been in one,but not on top of one
-Had a nervous breakdown?: I guess, to what I define as a nervous breakdown anyways
-Bungee jumped?: No
-Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yep.

[Religion]
-Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: I don't really even know the traditional view. But if it what I think it is then no
-Do you think God has a gender?: No
-Where do you think we go when we die?: In the ground. Our soul I have no idea, perhaps wherever it wants to I guess

[Love]
-Do you consider love a mistake?: No, even if it doesn't work out, the love had been there, and it was real and beautiful for the time
-What do you find romantic?: Hold each other in warm silence
-Turn-on?: Really caring, considerate
-What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: They can be REALLY cocky, but we can be like that too, but that's just what I hate about some guys
-What's the last present someone gave you?: Surfer type necklace and bracelete
-Who's the special guy/gal in your life right now?: I think there is someone.. I just don't know yet

[Who was the last person]
-That haunted you?:My cat >.< (this was the day after he died about 4 yr. ago) He opened my closed door and I could of sworn he lept up onto my bed and I saw a crease being created where he usually sleeps
-You wanted to kill?: Just really mad at one of my friends, but I wouldn't say I'd want to kill them
-That you laughed at?: I laugh with people, not at
-That laughed at you?: Random preps, probably people that see me outside
-That broke your heart?: My first bf, he's nice now though, I was young then, we're still good friends
-That you thought about?: Probably Suzie, since I wanted her to come over
-You saw a movie with?: Suzie
-You saw?: My mom (right now in the other room lol)

[Right this moment...]
-Are you going out?: ...
-What are you worried about right now?: My future
-What book are you reading?: Sisterhood of the Traveling Oants
-Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: Empty, Content, Free, Worried, Bored
-Are you talking to anyone online?: Yes
-Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No
-Are you listening to music?: No